The University of Sydney - School of Physics

This guide is intended to help Honours students to avoid the worst pitfalls of Physics 4 and succeed in both the lecture and project components of the course. It has two parts:
* How to Have a Truly Terrible Honours Year
* The Alternative
Comments on this document will be very welcome.

How to Have a Truly Terrible Honours Year
Close adherence to the following rules will ensure that you have a terrible Honours year and suffer to the maximum in the process:

1. Choose a supervisor who will be away most of the year and who doesn't work in the field of your project anyway. Such a person will not cramp your style with preconceived ideas about the project, nor by their continuous smothering presence.

2. Choose a supervisor who seldom or never publishes in refereed journals — they won't make you write too much.

3. Don't ask prospective supervisors' students about the quality of their supervision.

4. Choose a Ph.D.-sized project for your Honours year. If you're lucky you won't get any results by October and this will save writing a report, attending graduation, etc. Alternatively, a short project that will reach a dead end in a few weeks will save undue stress later in the year. The worst type of project for you is one that is open-ended, but with achievable medium-term goals. Don't ask potential supervisors about this.

5. Start your project on the first day of semester, or preferably later (October is best). Arrive with little or no idea of what the topic is and read nothing. Better still, wait a week or two into semester to choose a project and supervisor. A late start will ensure that you don't get stale later in the year.

6. Count on taking lots of holidays. There are only about 20 weeks of Physics 4 lectures, so plan to be away the rest of the time. After all, travel broadens the mind.

7. Roll in mid-morning and leave early most days, then work all night the day before the big assignment is due. You'll get lots of high quality work done this way.

8. Skip lectures. Nothing of any value is ever said in lectures. But don't let your absence stop you from criticizing the lecturing style or blaming the lecturer for your marks if they are poor.

9. Copy all your assignments. The top student can do them pretty well, so where's the benefit in duplicating their efforts?

10. Steer clear of the library. After all, a year's work in the lab or office can save you a boring afternoon of literature searching.

11. Avoid speaking to anyone other than your supervisor. Traditionally, science is largely about communication, but who are you to kowtow to tradition?

12. If English is your second language, avoid using it at all costs. You could pick up slang.

13. Don't write a word of your report before October — it may fall into enemy hands. Anyway, it will be more of a coherent whole if you write it in a single night. Keeping it from your supervisor until the final week will also avoid a lot of bothersome feedback and redrafting. Always remember: there's plenty more time.

14. Don't discuss your work with anyone. Chances are they will steal your ideas. This particularly applies to your supervisor, who may try to make ``helpful suggestions'' then claim to have collaborated with you.

15. Never seek assistance from your fellow students (Honours or Postgraduate) in dealing with minor problems with equipment, computers, mathematics, etc. Go directly to a Computer Systems Officer or the Head of School. Also, never help others.

16. Keep any hold-ups in your research progress strictly secret from your supervisor. Wait at least a month or two before letting on that you are stuck. Your ultimate progress (if any) will seem far more spectacular if you can honestly say you did nothing until October.

17. If you have any personal or other problems that interfere with your progress, keep them to yourself. Don't mention a thing to your supervisor, the Physics 4 coordinator, or any of the student services departments that exist to help. If you have suffered from ill health, don't bother asking your GP for a certificate — you will only keep other patients waiting and disrupt his/her busy day.

18. Definitely wait until 2nd semester before starting your research in earnest. The mind works best under deadline conditions.

19. Don't keep records or notes of your research work. You will want to write your report unencumbered by wads of paper. Also, thorough notes may lead to speedy (i.e., wimpish) resolution of difficulties, collaboration with others, and even publication of your results.

20. When writing your report, go over-length, include at least 70 figures and 100 equations, and try to disguise or omit the motivation, main results, and conclusions. Only truly discerning minds will be able to penetrate your camouflage and those are the only minds worth writing for. Riff-raff will marvel at your erudition.

21. Never look at your email or noticeboards, especially the Physics 4 noticeboard in the Tea Room. You may see something that requires action. In fact, never go to the Tea Room at all — you may communicate with others (who doubtless carry germs or want to steal your ideas).

22. Don't view yourself as part of your research group, department, or the School. The other people around you are nothing to do with you and mostly serve to distract. But they are here to clean up after you.

23. Don't attend any talks or colloquiums in fields other than your own. You may encounter new and disturbing ideas. If you make the mistake of being caught in a colloquium, it is OK to doze off — just try not to wake others by snoring.

24. Don't go to safety or induction days. You may learn essential information about the School. Safety information may even prolong someone's life, thereby interfering with the process of natural selection.

25. Try to get out of giving a talk on your project. Someone may make a suggestion that will mean extra work.

26. Don't apply for postgraduate scholarships until after the deadline. Arbitrary deadlines don't apply to you. DEETYA will recognize that you are special.

If the above masochistic steps don't appeal to you, you might want to do the exact opposite and also glance at the calendar of Physics 4 activities below.